start as you mean to go on
by lefcadio
Summary: 1st year thoughts, squabbles, and that time Simon threw a book at Baz.
**SIMON**

Most people here think I'm stupid, I know they do. I don't really blame them, though - I often wonder why I'm here, too. Magic... I have a lot of it, that's apparent, but I'm crap at using it. Baz makes fun of me all the time.

I don't really like to talk. It's never been easy for me, but then I've never really needed to before. It's easier to get by on single-word answers when no-one's interested in you or what you have to say. But you don't have a choice with magic. And it's not just that you need to speak, you need to speak _well_. You have to be good with words!

Penny is. She helps me all the time while the teachers look at me funny. I'm not sure what they're thinking. Probably that I'm stupid. Or a mistake.

 **BAZ**

I thought there must be a mistake. Why would the Crucible put me with _him_? I mean, I suppose we're going to be enemies. We pretty much are already - I managed to trip him up on his way out of maths yesterday. He just spluttered at me and glared.

He doesn't talk much, that Snow. I don't _think_ he's stupid - (though of course to his face I tell him he is, he always goes such a nice pink colour) - but there's something not right about it... he _was_ basically a Normal, after all. For ten whole years of his life! Imagine! (I'd rather not.) Maybe that's what stunted him...

It's hard to believe he's the Chosen One. He can't even get chosen for the football team.

 **SIMON**

I'm sitting with Penny in the library. (I almost went back to my room, but Baz might be there.) I like Penny because she's actually really patient. She's a bit - you know - intense, but she doesn't mind it when I'm quiet. She doesn't try and force me to talk. She talks enough for the both of us. And she doesn't mind if I'm rubbish at things. I know she's interested in my magic though - everyone is. Even Baz, though he tries to pretend he's not.

We're doing our Chemistry homework - I'm actually ok at most subjects, so I feel a lot better when we're studying non-magickal stuff. But it's quite late and I can't help yawning.

"Simon," she says sternly, "go to bed."

I fidget in my seat a bit. I do want to, but Baz might still be up. I'm not _afraid_ of him, I know he hates me as much as I hate him. His whole family hates me, I heard, so it's a bit inevitable really.

"I," it's easier to talk to Penny, it is, but some things are still hard to express in words. Why is magic real but I can't just use telepathy or something? There's nothing wrong with my _thoughts_. I love being magic but sometimes I don't understand it at all. "Um, it's just," I try again.

Penelope just waits. I like that she doesn't hurry me. The teachers do. Even the Mage does, and he's been one of the nicest people I've met.

"I don't - I don't like seeing Baz. You know."

She does know.

Baz doesn't like her either, they're always glaring at each other when test results come back, trying to work out who got a better mark. He doesn't look at her the way he looks at me, though.

"Simon," she sighs, "he's your roommate. You're going to have to live with him for years! You just need to get used to each other."

I look at her like she's mad, and she doesn't look all that convinced in her own words either to be honest. She tries a different angle, "I'm sure he's asleep by now anyway. It's after eleven! We should be heading back too."

She stands up so I do too, and we shove our books into our bags. "Come on," she says, and smiles encouragingly. "I'll walk with you."

 **BAZ**

It's after eleven and he's still not back.

I don't know why he thinks _I'm_ suspicious when he's the one always out so late! Who knows what he's up to. Probably doing something for the Mage... maybe I should follow him next time.

The door clicks open and I wonder whether I should pretend to be asleep or not. I mean, I don't really want to talk to him. And by talk I mean, 'listen to him stutter and stumble all over his words.'

As it turns out I don't really have a choice, because he turns on the light, the tosser! Who does that when someone else is sleeping, I ask you. So I sit up and glare at him. He freezes in shock for a second before glaring furiously back. As if he has anything to be angry about! Well, apart from the tripping, I mean. But that was yesterday.

He walks to his bed and dumps his bag, grabs his stupid school pyjamas and then locks himself in the bathroom.

Now I don't want to go to sleep because it would feel like giving in.

 **SIMON**

Stupid Baz in his stupid fancy pyjamas. I knew he'd still be awake. I brush my teeth harder than necessary and when I spit, the foam is bloody. Stupid Baz. Now my gums are sore.

When I get back to my bed, he's pretending to read a book. His gaze keeps sliding over to me though, and I try to ignore him as I open the window and then get in.

He stops pretending to read.

"Close the window, it's freezing!" He demands, as though we've never had this argument before.

"I'm," I say, and it's always harder to talk to him even though these are the times I most want to speak normally, "I'm hot," I manage to get the words out, and I'm actually quite pleased. But I still frown at him.

"I. Don't. _Care_." He hisses, and would look even more sinister than usual if his hair weren't quite so fluffy. He definitely looks creepier in the mornings.

I shrug, because I know that will annoy him the most.

"Why were you out so late anyway?" he sneers, "need that many extra lessons from Bunce? Or from the Mage? He must be quite disappointed in you."

That does make me angry, really angry, because I know I feel like there's some truth in it. I swallow hard. He probably is disappointed in me. I know I'm not like what anyone expected.

"You - I don't - !" I stutter a bit and he laughs, he _laughs_ like it's the funniest thing he's ever heard. I feel my magic rising up but I shouldn't - I can't, if it comes out...

In desperation I grab the closest object to me, a book from my bag. I throw it at him with all my anger and sadness and frustration without even thinking.

Obviously I wasn't thinking.

So _stupid_ , I really am.

Becase it hits him right on the head.

He stops laughing, at least, and clutches at the side of his head, scowling. But then there's a red flash of light, and suddenly I can't feel my right hand anymore. It's gone all cold and stiff and all I can do is stare at it in dawning horror.

 **BAZ**

I can't believe he threw a book at me! And in our room!

But after my head stops hurting, I think it might even be worth it. He _actually_ activated the Anathema! I wonder what it'll do to him... They said it wouldn't kick us out, not in first year, but it must do something...

He looks pretty horrified. Maybe his hand is burning. Maybe it's going to fall off. Maybe it'll get covered in warts!

But a few more moments pass, and it doesn't seem like anything that dramatic.

Disappointing.

So I just get out of bed, slam the window closed, and keep glaring at him as I get back in. Really I want to turn my back on him in disgust, but that might not be the best idea right now.

He still looks quite shell-shocked.

My head still hurts, but the window is closed and Snow seems to have a dead and/or painful hand.

I think I win overall.

 **SIMON**

I can't feel my hand.

How long is this going to last? I'm right-handed! I won't be able to write in my lessons! I won't be able to -

I stop that thought there because Baz is still staring at me and it feels weird.

Instead I just lie down and pretend nothing is wrong.

I don't think it's very convincing.

And now the window's closed, the utter git.

 **PENELOPE**

I _knew_ something like this would happen. I just knew it! Simon lets Basil get under his skin too easily. And now Simon's the one in trouble! He's been trying to cast magic left-handed all day, and failing miserably. Baz and his cronies make sure to watch and laugh which makes it even worse.

The Mage wanted to speak to him about it. Told him he needed to be careful - because if it happens again when he's older, the Anathema might throw him out of school and then there's nothing even the Mage can do about it!

But Simon is mostly just angry at Baz. No changes there then.

It's lunchtime and Simon is eating soup (slightly awkwardly) with his left hand.

Baz keeps looking at him because they're both obsessed.

Honestly, I don't know if I can stand another seven years of this.


End file.
